T/F: It has to be hard to be valid.
Q: Do you believe that something has to be difficult in order to “count” as successful?
I’m in a business Mastermind group that is amazing.
All coaches performing at a high level. We had to qualify to get in.
It’s been an incredible experience.
And I’ve noticed something.
A recurring theme that many coaches get coached on is the idea that it has to be hard to be valid.
I hear the idea that building a successful business requires a lot of difficulty in order for us to validate our success.
If it isn’t hard, then we didn’t “pay our dues” and it shouldn’t mean as much.
“If it’s easy then it’s not real success.”
I’ve thought a lot about this belief.
I see it crop up everywhere now that I’m aware of it.
And I wonder - is that actually true?
Does it HAVE TO be hard in order for it to be valid?
I think about it in my life as well as my business.
I lost my husband almost five years ago.
My son lost his dad at age 10.
That is hard.
But sometimes we wear a badge of honor about the hardness of it.
We are validated BECAUSE we are going through this difficult thing.
And I wonder if seeing Jason’s death through this lens is very useful?
I’m still pondering this idea but I’ve settled on a few things so far:
Attaching validation to the level of difficulty that something is doesn’t seem to be very helpful.
Because then I think it has to be hard in order to be valid.
Then I think that if we’re thriving, that maybe I’m not remembering Jason well enough or good enough or often enough because it’s not….hard enough.
I start to believe that if I’m not struggling at a sufficient level, then my relationship with Jason isn’t as valid as it would be if I was having a really hard time without him.
It’s kind of a sneaky thing to consider but I want you to think about it for a minute.
Am I viewing achieving success as something that must be hard in order to “count.”
Do I have to struggle in order for my success to be valid?
What if it could be easy?
What if it could FEEL easy?
What if I trusted my ability to solve problems and to keep going and to gather capable people around me?
What if I kept learning and executing plans, knowing that those plans might need to change?
What if I made decisions based on the information I had, trusting that we would make the next good decision as it came?
What if it could feel easy because I understand how to use my thoughts for my good and how to calm my nervous system?
The hardness of the thing does not make it more valid.
Your success can feel easeful.
It’s still valid even when you create it without feeling so much pressure.
This is a skill.
It can be taught.
It is learned and strengthened.
It’s available even if you don’t completely believe that what I’m saying is true.
It doesn't have to be hard to be valid.
It doesn’t have to be hard in order to count as success.
Q: Do you believe that something has to be difficult in order to “count” as successful?
That’s not really a thing.
You don’t have to believe that struggle is a requirement for your success.
Sending love,
K
